A Halloween Rant

Sure, I still play dress up.  I pretend like I’m an Important Technology Employee 5 days a week at Goldman Sachs.  I wear form fitting skirts and something called a “blouse.”   Yes, I’d much rather be wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but I still do it because Corporate Society feels as though my job wouldn’t get done with as much proficiency and excellency if I wasn’t wearing something from Ann Taylor.

But, the other 2 days of the week, I happily settle back into my normal daytime attire and don a cardigan, t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes.  And this is why I dislike Halloween.  I don’t like coming up with a costume, much rather having to shell out any dough in order to procure a costume.  Can’t we just drink beer together without having to pretend like we’re some slutty this-or-that or some obscure-hipster-pop-culture reference?

Things I’d Rather Spend My Money On Besides a Halloween Costume

Brown Boots
Einstein’s Onion Bagel Toasted with Plain Cream Cheese and Tomatoes
Adorable Salt and Pepper Shakers
Booze
Booze at a Bar
A Halloween Costume for Buddy
The Complete Works of Jane Austen
Rosetta Stone: German Levels 1, 2, 3
Dry Cleaning for my (white) Couch
Tea and a scone at Cafe Ballou
iPhone 3Gs
Plane ticket to Arizona

Buddy's 2008 Halloween Costume courtesy of Auntie Allison

The list could go on forever.  You get the point.

Three Wolves, Anyone?
This year, I was planning on wearing the Three Wolves Howling at the Moon t-shirt, but whenever I mentioned this idea to friends and strangers alike, they didn’t seem to know what I was talking about.  Do your research.  The reviews on Amazon.com alone made this item worthy of an article in the New York Times.  But, apparently, this is where my geekdom supercedes that of my friends and social circle.  And since these same friends demand, year after year, that no matter how much closer to (or farther from) 30 we get, we have to participate in this damned holiday, I had to come up with another (cheap) idea.  So, I asked myself: What could I put together from the contents of my closet that would resemble a Halloween costume?

While my brother would probably argue that half of the crap I own could be turned into some Project-Runway-Gone-Wrong themed ensemble, I had a difficult time coming up with anything that would pass the “must come dressed in costume” disclaimer on every Halloween Party Evite.

And, then, it hit me.  Yes, I would have to go against everything I learned in graduate school.  Yes, I would have to succumb to my boss’s daily reminder of what I should’ve bought instead of my beloved netbook.  And, yes, I would have to answer “what are you” a lot more often than most other dresser-uppers, but at least my three word answer wouldn’t require any further explanation.

“I’m a Mac.”

Costume Idea Brilliance

Of course, I would typically call myself a PC Advocate (especially with the loveliness that is Windows 7 and aside from my undying devotion to my iPhone), but I didn’t feel like wearing a suit.

And so, I Present to You ” The Mac Guy”

American Apparel T-Shirt: Check
American Apparel Hoodie: Check
Distressed Baggy Jeans: Check
Converse All-Star Tennis Shoes: Check (ok, I think he’s actually wearing Vans, but the Chuck Taylor’s will do)

Price: $0
Comfort Level: 100%
Costume Hassle Rating: 0
Pop Culture Relativity: 100%

I may be a Mac, but I also kind of think I’m a genius.

Comfortably Yours,
Your Redness

<img class=”size-medium wp-image-290″ title=”imamac” src=”http://yourredness.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/imamac.png?w=266″ alt=”Costume Idea Brilliance” width=”266″ height=”300″ />

Costume Idea Brilliance

Europe Found! (in Chicago)

After three days of holing myself up in my apartment, I needed to get out.  My cold had subsided enough where I was braving it without the help of meds, so I made the disastrous decision to pick up my Cy Twombly print at Jo Ann Fabrics and then find a coffee shop for some reading and writing time.

During my first errand, the thought occurred to me that it might not have been a good idea to have ventured out at all.  Apparently, Chicago decided it would have a practice round for Black Friday today.  The traffic was unbearable, the parking spots unavailable and the shoppers unaware of anyone else’s personal space.  I can hereby say that I vow to enter Jo Ann Fabrics only twice a year from this day forward.  The overpowering potpourri sent makes me ill upon every entrance.  But, they do have some damn good framing sales.  And we all know that framing is, for some ridiculous reason, one of the more expensive capitalistic endeavors money can buy.

With the print framed and in tow, I headed over to the Ukranian Village to check out a cafe some Yelpers had recommended.  With a money parking spot acquired, Steve Martin came on the loud speaker in my head and said “Things are going to start happening to me now.” (name that movie reference) I entered Cafe Ballou only to hear Andrew Bird playing on their sound system.  Steve, you were right.  This place was about as near to my personal heaven as any cafe in Vienna.  Old marble tables! Adorable salt and pepper shakers!  Egg sandwiches served all day! Moroccan Mint Tea!  Menus written on mirrors! Free wi-fi!  I powered up my netbook, ordered a panini and a tea (in a glass mug!) and let the creative juices flow.  I felt sudden urges to be in school again, or be a writer, or have a work from home job – just so I could spend more time there.

My heart can now rest a little easier knowing that Vienna is only a 10 minute drive away.

Happily Caffeinated,
Your Redness

Adorable Salt and Pepper Shakers

Dirty Thirty

So what if my 30th Birthday is six months away?  That doesn’t stop it from looming over my biological horizon and playing that “I’m not touching you” game my brother used to tease me with as a child.  No matter how many times I set the boundary and tell my 30th Birthday that it can’t cross the imaginary line I’ve created, I know that one day, I will be 30 years of age (and still feeling about 24).

Instead of playing this losing battle of prevention, I decided a while back to create a list of things to accomplish before I was 30.  “Thirty Things to do Before I’m Thirty.”  Nice ring to it, eh?  The problem is that I haven’t come up with all of the 30 things.   A little help here, perhaps?

What I’ve Checked Off
In six months, I have managed to make a little bit of progress on that list.  I have…

- Ate at Alinea
- Ran a 5K (I might want two points for this one – I ended up running a 1/2 marathon instead)
- Saw Andrew Bird live in concert (twice)
- Visited the Guggenheim
- Took a mother/daughter vacation (NYC, four Broadway shows, 1 substantially delayed flight)
- Traveled by train
- Took a vacation by myself

Still Left To Do…

- Take a cooking class
- Perfect a dish
- Take a dance class
- Read 5 Classic novels (suggestions welcome)
- Check off 10 restaurants on my Chicago Restaurant To Do List (halfway there)
- Study a foreign language
- Learn how to ride a motorcycle
- Lose XX pounds (yes, that is x-ed out for a reason)
- Take an Improv class
- Go on a road trip
- Relearn Chess and Backgammon
- Grow something

If you’re good at counting, you’ve realized that I only have 19 things on my list.  There are a few others on it that I’ve chosen not to share.  So, let’s say I need to add 8 more items.  I’m not about to jump out of a plane or shave my head, but I’d love to hear about some of the things that you wish you would’ve done/accomplished while still in your pre-30 days.  Or some of the things you’d like to do / accomplish before you reach that dreaded deadline.  Maybe they’ll just end up on my list, and I will be all the more prepared to turn the Dirty Thirty.

Continuing to Age,
Your Redness

Champagne Wishes and Costco Dreams

I finally did it.  I entered the world of adulthood, suburbanism, and storage closets all in one day.  I purchased a membership to Costco.

I have been battling obtaining that membership for some time now, but finally, I couldn’t come to terms with the thought of not having a one-way ticket to my individually packaged, frozen tilapia fillets whenever I needed to restock.  And thus, Allison Stroud, Costco Gold Club Member, was born.

As I strolled down the aisles, it was probably easy to spot me as a “newbie.”  I have obviously been to Costco several times in my life (my mom is currently working on getting her picture on the Scottsdale Costco’s VIP Customer wall), but never by myself and never with my own agenda.  I was not well acquainted with the Costco Traffic Maneuvering as many of the more seasoned shoppers obviously were.  On several occasions, I was faced with the Costco Snarl from shoppers who I had accidentally bumped into their ankles with my less-than-half-full cart.  I’m sure if it was stocked higher, I would’ve had a better excuse for running into them as they moved at a Costco Pace (aka snail’s pace) through the towers of bulk item goodness.

I had just four items on my list – Dove Body Wash, Individually Packaged Frozen Tilapia Fillets, paper towels and toilet paper.  The tilapia was not in stock, so I got the cod instead and am none the worse off.  But, as it happens with the Target and Jewel syndrome, I inevitably left with several items that I did not think I needed prior to entering the hallowed concrete aisles.  First was the frozen shrimp, as every good Jew should have stored in their freezer.  Then it was the Old Bay spice mix.  I have no idea what it is or how it tastes – an adventure all its own! Of course I got caught up in the wine aisle, and I couldn’t pass up those Red Vines.

The problem with Costco is that, as the saying goes, you can buy the kitchen sink – AND they also sell kitchen sinks – in several varieties, I might add.  Luckily, my AMEX is billed to Goldman Sachs, so I am pretty much forbidden to use any credit card for payment there except my debit card.  That fact in its own right helped to curb my spending and allow me to only get what I truly needed.  Toilet paper fits that bill – we’ll  see if the Old Bay spice mix lives up to my imaginary hype as well.

As a side note, I made a quick trip to my Jewel Osco this morning to pick up some bagels that I was seriously craving.  I ended up walking out with a Family Circle magazine as well.  If you weren’t concerned with my above homage to all things Costco, please be concerned with the aforementioned magazine purchase confession.

Domestically Yours,
Your Redness